Personalised Ringtones:

John / Jon
Dave
Tom
Jim
Bob
Matt
Chris
Sarah
Jenny
Jane

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I'm a twat! 'Here We Go' Version

You're all twats! 'Here We Go' Version

I'm a phone! 'Here We Go' Version

I'm a twat! 'Vindaloo' Version

You're all twats! 'Vindaloo' Version

I'm a phone! 'Vindaloo' Version 1

I'm a phone! 'Vindaloo' Version 2

I think I'm really cool because I've got a ridiculously loud and annoying ringtone Version 1

I think I'm really cool because I've got a ridiculously loud and annoying ringtone Version 2

I think I'm really cool because I've got a ridiculously loud and annoying ringtone Version 3

Oi....Oi!...Oi, it's me...Yeah, your phone!...Oi, I'm in your pocket you idiot...Hurry up and get me out of here, it fucking stinks

Help!...Help me!...Help, let me out!...He's kidnapped me, I'm in his pocket, let me out!...Help!

Warning! This phone will self destruct in T minus 10...9...8...[etc]

Warning! This phone will self destruct in 10...9...8...[etc]

Mobile phones are proven to cause brain cancer in not only the owner, but those nearby when a call is received

Ding dong!...There is a bomb on the train, please remain calm

Everybody on the floor. This is a robbery!

[Crackle] Number 49, number 49, what is your location?...[Crackle] Number 49, where the hell are you?

Please leave your message after the tone...Beep!...Hi, look, I'm really sorry about last night mate, but, you know, I'm just not into raping farm animals!

Stick it up your arse! Stick it up your arse! I hate mobile phones so just stick it up your arse! [Repeat]

Shove it up your ass! Shove it up your ass! I hate mobile phones so just shove it up your ass! [Repeat]

Shove it up your arse! Shove it up your arse! I hate mobile phones so just shove it up your arse! [Repeat]

Answer your phone you must...Harder you must try...Faster must you look Yoda Version

If you're Irish and you know it clap your hands!...If you're Scottish and you know it clap your hands!...No matter where you're from, you can join in with this song, all you gotta do is clap your hands!

If you're Cornish and you know it clap your hands!...If you're Cornish and you know it clap your hands!...And if your not Cornish, you can go and fuck a fish, everyone from Cornwall clap your hands!

If you're ginger and you know it clap your hands!...If you're ginger and you know it clap your hands!...If people stop and stare, because you've got red hair, all you've gotta do is clap your hands!

If you're gay and you know it clap your hands!...If you're straight and you know it clap your hands!...No matter who you fuck, just eat some crispy duck, all you gotta do is clap your hands!

Respect The Badger Inspector Gadget Version

Inspect My Badger Inspector Gadget Version

Teenagers are stealing my stuff! Teenagers are stealing my stuff! Teenagers are stealing my stuff! ASBO Power! [Teenage Mutant Nija Turtle Version]

Everybody shits poo 'Happy Birthday' Version

Everybody sniffs glue 'Happy Birthday' Version

Tony Blair eats dog poo 'Happy Birthday' Version

Happy Birthday! Cornish Version

Oi...Oi!...Oi, your phone's ringing...Oi!...Hurry up and answer your fucking phone!

Hello?..Hello...Hello! Your phone is ringing...Hello!...Hurry up and answer your fucking phone!

Fart Version 1

Fart Version 2

Fart Version 3

Long Fart

Ringing Fart

Ring! Ring! Evil Version

Ring! Ring! Posh Version

Ring, Ring, Your phone is ringing, Your phone is ringing, Phone is ringing, Yes it is!

Answer your phone Song

Suck a fat cock 'Around the Clock' Version

I am a ginger Song

I hate gingers 'Crazy Frog' Version

Crazy Frog is shit 'Crazy Frog' Version

Baked Beans 'God save the Queen' Version

What a shithole! Song

Shit, my bowels are on the move! Shit, my bowels are loose! 'Thundercats' Version

Knob-jockey!

Shit-weasel

Shhh...Listen!...They're all talking about you!...They hate you...They're going to kill you!

Ooh Ah! Just a little shit! 'Gina G' Version

 

John / Jon

[Crackle] Phone to John...Phone to John...Do you copy?

John...John...John, your phone's ringing...John...John!...John, answer your fucking phone!

John...John?...John, it's me!...John, it's your phone mate...I'm in your pocket you idiot...Hurry up and get me out, it fucking stinks in here!

John! John! Ringing Version

John! John! Long Ringing Version

 

Dave

My name is Dave Song

[Crackle] Phone to Dave...Phone to Dave...Do you copy?

Dave...Dave!...Dave, your phone's ringing...Dave...Dave!...Dave, answer your fucking phone!

Dave...Oi Dave...Dave it's me, it's your phone!...I'm in your pocket you idiot!....Hurry up and take me out, it fucking stinks in here mate

Er Dave?...Dave?...Dave, are you there mate?...Dave, let me out you bastard!...Dave!

Dave! Dave! Ringing Version

Dave! Dave! Long Ringing Version

 

Tom

[Crackle] Phone to Tom...Phone to Tom...Do you copy?

Tom...Tom...Tom, your phone's ringing...Tom...Tom!...Tom, answer your fucking phone!

Tom! Tom! Ringing Version

 

Jim

Jim! Jim! Ringing Version

[Crackle] Phone to Jim...Phone to Jim...Do you copy? Version 1

[Crackle] Phone to Jim...Phone to Jim...Do you copy? Version 2

Jim...Jim...Jim, your phone's ringing...Jim...Jim, answer your fucking phone!

 

Bob

My name is Bob Song

Bob...Bob!...Bob, your phone's ringing...Bob...Bob!...Bob, answer your fucking phone!

[Crackle] Phone to Bob...Phone to Bob...Do you copy?

Bob! Bob! Ringing Version

 

Matt

[Crackle] Phone to Matt...Phone to Matt...Do you copy?

Matt...Matt!...Matt, your phone's ringing...Matt!...Matt, answer your fucking phone!

Matt! Matt! Ringing Version

 

Chris

[Crackle] Phone to Chris...Phone to Chris...Do you copy?

 

Sarah

Sarah...Sarah!...Sarah, your phone's ringing...Sarah!...Sarah, answer your fucking phone!

Sarah...Sarah!...Sarah, it's me, your phone!...I'm in your pocket you idiot!....Hurry up and take me out, it fucking stinks in here

[Crackle] Phone to Sarah...Phone to Sarah...Do you copy?

 

Jenny

Jenny...Jenny!...Jenny, your phone's ringing...Jenny!...Jenny, answer your fucking phone!

Jenny...Jenny!...Jenny, it's me, your phone!...I'm in your pocket you idiot!....Hurry up and get me out, it fucking stinks in here

[Crackle] Phone to Jenny...Phone to Jenny...Do you copy?

 

Jane

Jane...Jane!...Jane, your phone's ringing...Jane!...Jane, answer your fucking phone!

Jane...Jane!...Jane, it's me, your phone!...I'm in your pocket you idiot!....Hurry up and get me out, it fucking stinks in here

[Crackle] Phone to Jane...Phone to Jane...Do you copy?